A Halloween Tale Of Health Horror

Nightmare on Main Street: It’s a horror film just in time for Halloween. The cast includes Kathleen Sibelius, director of the Department of Health and Human Services, an A-Team (website geeksters), and White House press secretary Jay Carney in a repeating role as Igor, who always protects his boss, the Count of Unaccountability. President Obama has a cameo role as the Count, a character he is often typecasted as “the guy in charge who never knows anything about anything that happens under his watch, but emotes great anger and vows in a Ben Hur voice to do something about it.”

(To see him in other such cameos, Google Benghazi Terror attack, IRS scandal and Fast and Furious – the U.S. gun giveaway to Mexican drug traffickers – and reporters who were spied on by Justice Department.)

Other characters, played by unknowns, portray regular folks living on Main Street who find out they can’t keep their insurance plans under Obamacare and also learn they’ll pay more than what their old insurance cost.

Several thousand extras in non-speaking roles are filmed growing so old while trying to log onto healthcare.gov to sign up for affordable care that before the movie ends they actually qualify for Medicare.

However, it’s too late. They’ve turned into zombies and storm Washington, D.C., to take back the $600 million paid to create the Nightmare on Main Street website.

The A-Team clearly needs protection, so Sibelius pays them another $100 million to get them back to their home office in Canada, where they will take their American taxpayer dollars and spend the money providing jobs for Canadians. (One country’s nightmare equals another country’s sweet dream.)

Meanwhile, the Count sends Igor out to face the angry zombies. Igor tells them to stop their whining, call the Healthcare 800 number, and give all their personal medical information, Social Security number, etc., over the phone to someone who was trained for six hours.

But zombies are not patient undead people. They’re sick of being patronized and head for Congress only to find no one at the Capitol. House Speaker John Boehner and Senate Leader Harry Reid are vacationing together in Vegas.

Sibelius is seen hopping on a private jet to join them. No one can account for the Count’s whereabouts.

Suddenly, a horde of Obamacare “Navigators” paid by the government to spread the “great” news about the health care act is unleashed on Main Street.

A news anchor, played by a Sandra Bullock look-alike, reports, “According to Forbes magazine, in California alone, $673 million in federal taxpayer money will be spent deploying 21,000 navigators to sign up people for the health care exchange. Each navigator will receive $58 for every person signed up.”

With $58 at stake, one Navigator smacks a 25-year-old to the ground and pins her until she signs up. But her broken leg cannot be treated until March when her health coverage starts, so she dies and becomes a zombie.

This movie is rated R for adult language, violence, zombie nudity and possible promotion of suicidal thoughts.

This Halloween spoof is based on a lot of truth. I made up the zombie part. Those we elect are ghoulishly cavalier about spending and wasting money because it’s not theirs. If it were their money, the Affordable Care Act website would’ve cost half what it did or a lawsuit would ensue – heads would roll. If the ACA worked right, there’d be no need for Navigators. It isn’t that the long-touted Oct. 1 Obamacare roll-out was a horror, though it was. That will eventually be fixed. It’s how our “public servants” arrogantly, dangerously over-promise and over-spend, sucking the life blood from our traditionally industrious, economically robust nation.

It feels more trick than treat.