Page 32 - MidWeek - May 26, 2021

32 MIDWEEK MAY 26, 2021
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Ibroke up with a guy I was dating after discov- ering he’d lied about his age on the dating app we’d met on. (He’s 48, not 39.) I’d told him honesty’s a big deal for me. He claimed he’s honest with those he cares about and at work, and ar- gued that everybody lies on dating sites. I’m not buying that. Isn’ t someone either honest or not? – Skeptical
THE SCIENCE ADVICE GODDESS
Amy Alkon
The Fraud Prince
We all lie in ways we don’t even recognize as lies. Do you wear control- top tights or Spanx? A push-up bra or a squish-you-down bra?
Ash is an independent and lovable 2-year-old domestic shorthair cat. She is very friendly with people and loves to play with feather toys.
Ash would do best in a home that will give her lots of attention. She is a unique cat that will do well with almost any family, and she gets along well with other cats.
If you are ready to give Ash a home, schedule an adoption appointment with Hawaiian Humane Society online at hawaiianhumane. org/adoptions.
If another family adopted Ash by the time you make your visit, Hawaiian Humane Society’s Mō‘ili‘ili campus has other great animals for you to meet.
MidWeek’s
Pet Friends Forever
Outlined
PHOTO COURTESY HAWAIIAN HUMANE SOCIETY
There’s that saying, “act yourage,”andheis—asa guy cresting 50 who wants a girlfriend who still some- times gets carded.
These less-than-truthful forms of self-presentation are a lighter shade of the lie this guy told: an “instrumen- tal”lie—alieusedasan “instrument” to get others to give us “material rewards or other personal pleasures or advantages” they wouldn’t if we told the truth.
And you’ll know to ditch those who are ethically iffy — or worse: for example, some other 48-year-old dude who has the firm body of a man half his age — and if he keeps it in his basement freezer, no one will be the wiser.
Chances are you consider yourself an honest person. But you’re not. None of us is. In the words of TV’s Dr. House, “Ev- erybody lies.” Social psychol- ogist Bella DePaulo concurs. In her research on lying, she explains that people can’t be “tossed into one of two moral bins, one for the people who are honest and the other for the liars.”
But consider that people who don’t lie their way through life might see lies in an online dating profile as sort of Spanx- type fibbies: a way to game an unfair system, a la, “I’m so much younger than my real age, and the hot young women I want would see that — uh, if only I could get around their searches where they cut out my age group.”
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In fact, we all lie in ways we don’t even recognize as lies. Do you wear control-top tights or Spanx? A push-up bra or a squish-you-down bra? How about under-eye concealer? (Note that it isn’t called un- der-eye revealer: “All the bet-
Getting a realistic sense of a man’s true character probably takes listening and watching over time, espe- cially when he doesn’t know you’re doing it. That should
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