I don’t know why this is, but what is it about local men where we don’t want to use umbrellas? I’ve never owned one simply because I’ve never felt the need to use one. Does it make me less of a man to do so? No, in a way it makes me more of an idiot.
Case in point: The heavy rain the other week was ample reason to seek shielding from those downpours. It wreaked havoc on many properties and caused much inconvenience in the way of traffic. Yet, despite of all that, I refused to employ an umbrella to keep from getting wet.
By no means am I a “dandy,” although I make sure my appearance is on par with my position as publisher of MidWeek. That means I may occasionally wear a suit or even a necktie. I don’t fuss over my hair, but I make sure it is combed. And, no, I don’t use a blow dryer.
Anyway, on the first day of that foul weather I got ready for work in the morning just as I normally do. My first resistance came after my wife said, “Ron, it’s raining pretty hard, you should take one of my umbrellas.” You see, my car is parked a few houses down in my brother’s garage. That means I have a two-minute walk under the elements. I replied in semi-jest, “Umbrella? I don’t need no stinkin’ umbrella!”
Having had this conversation a million times before she answered, “Have it your way.”
As soon as I stepped out the door, the rain came down in buckets. No way I could lose face with my wife and opt for a “girlie” umbrella. I started running to my brother’s house. Why I figured I would get less wet if I ran made no sense. In less than 100 seconds I was completely drenched. I wasn’t about to go home to change clothes, but I couldn’t go to work like that either.
Luckily I was at my brother’s house so I plucked some clean laundry off a rack in the garage. Wasn’t really my style, but at least they were dry. When I got to work, I got some double takes from co-workers. Then I ran into the Human Resources director. She said, “Uh, Ron, we don’t do casual Mondays around here.”
I guess a Jeremy Lin jersey even under a suit jacket doesn’t quite cut it.