by Don Chapman

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Don Chapman's Book can be found at Amazon.com

Don Chapman's book You Know You're In Hawaii When... is at bookstores now. The book is illustrated by Roy Chang, MidWeek's editorial cartoonist. It makes a great gift! And now, here's a sneak peak at what some of the book it is about.

Whether you’re celebrating or protesting Statehood Day on Friday, there is no doubt that Hawaii is unique not just among the 50 states, but in the world. For example, you know you’re in Hawaii – and only in Hawaii – when:

• Nobody is sure exactly where "north" is …
• The state dog is the pit bull …
• On the street where you live every refrigerator has a bottle of shoyu inside …
• Your cousin is Japanese-Chinese-French-Filipino-Korean-Scottish-Portuguese-Hawaiian, plus some stuff too manini to mention…
• To go out on Saturday night and impress the girl, you wear your bestest shorts …
• Gobos is now just a bunch of green vegetables, not a rallying cry for the home team …
• Somewhere over the rainbow a big H flies … 
• The most important thing to know about a person is where they went to high school …
• The second most important thing to know about a person is the year they wen’ grad …
• Your second home is the beach …
• Birds walk more often than they fly …
• Gambling isn’t legal, but you’d never know it during football season …
• You can’t see the forest for the political sign-wavers … It’s raining buckets on your picnic and everybody agrees, "It’s a blessing" …
• You’re nobody ’til somebody says you’re part of the ohana …
• Telling an ethnic joke is politically correct …
• Blowing off the tips of fingers, causing air pollution worse than Los Angeles and torturing household pets is considered a "cultural tradition" …
• Saying "Eh!" constitutes major oratory filled with profound implications …
• The Legislature is a daycare center for troubled adults …
• A pedestrian in a crosswalk, sheesh, some nerve that guy! …
• You watch your favorite shows "on top the TV"…
• If you’re a radio button-puncher, it sounds like the morning sky ought to be blotted out with so many traffic reporters flying around up there – but they’re both on the same plane …
• Stopping to smell the flowers can take all day …
• Nobody knows where the "fast lane" is on the freeway …
• The best cooks all use lots of mayonnaise …
• An approaching hurricane means only one thing – surf’s up, brah! …
• The name Duke means royalty …
• If you can make it here, why the heck would you want to be in Noo Yawk? …
• "You like beef" has nothing to do with what’s for dinner…
• Ethnic natives are treated like second-class citizens …
• The same guys always get the best tee times at a municipal golf course …
• Shopping is an art form …
• Las Vegas is Mecca …
• White rice is a sacrament…
• Spam is for special occasions…
• Beans are the perfect condiment for ice cream …
• The ukulele is a classical music instrument …
• A silver-haired ex-mayor is like your eccentric uncle –he keeps repeating himself and nobody pays any attention …
• Female volleyball players are major celebrities …
• The weather report says "mauka showers" …
• A lava rock gives you chickenskin …
• A stranger shares aloha …

E-mail Don Chapman at: dchapman@midweek.com

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